Think I'd Really Stay Away Forever?? ...As If ;)

Wow.  I didn't realize how much I liked my blog until I just visited it for the first time in ages and thoroughly enjoyed reading the past post on my babes!  I came to my blog to write tonight as sort of a journal.  I really do want to make it more of a priority to document the lives of my kids bc it really is so much fun to look back on!  

Sweet Carse is having surgery this coming Monday (in 6 days).  It's a major surgery too!  It will take about 3-4 hours and she will have to stay in the hospital for 2-5 days afterwards.  If that doesn't make a mommas heart freak out I don't know what will.  Really, I realize that there are kids who have tons and tons of surgeries or surgery on their hearts and much more scary things but for me this is as severe as it has gotten and it does tempt me to be utterly frightened.  

So what do I do.  I pray, talk to God, or ponder the truth and what have you.  I'm praying for all the normal things to pray for.  For a non complicated successful surgery.  For the doctors to have wisdom and steady hands!  For Carson not to be afraid to heal quickly and for us to trust God as we wait.  Something weird I am praying for is for Carson to not throw up when she is coming out of anesthesia.  I am praying that we can leave the hospital more towards the 2 day mark than the 5 bc she is doing so well.  I think about how in control God is.  How He loves her far more than I could even try....

Then tonight...  bam.  Really it was an attack.  I started thinking as I was praying.  Why would God answer my prayers?  Why would he even care for me?  I know how I talked to my husband today.  I know how ineffective I have been lately.  I know how I long for my coffee each morning sometimes most of the times way more than I long for Him.  And on and on and on.  I seriously almost started to cry in my feeling of hopelessness.  My mind was seriously so clearly thinking why would He want to look upon me with any sort of favor???  

Then by the grace (unearned unmerited favor of course) of God I started hearing in my head the hymn 'before the throne of God above'.  More specifically, the second verse. 

When Satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

Oh yeah!  Duh!  When He looks at me does He see my impatience with my kids at times?  Or my selfishness with my time? or all the other things that can make you gasp?  No,  my goodness what He sees is absolutely mind blowing in my opinion.  He sees Jesus' record on me.  A perfect spotless record.   Now for the good tears filled with hope.  A kind of hope, a kind of love, a kind of grace that motivates me 'to press on towards the goal to win the prize' and to 'work out my salvation with fear and trembling'.

I'm thankful for this Grace tonight.  Thank you sweet Lord that as You say in Your word that You do not repay me as my sins deserve and instead You poured out all that wrath on your Son.  Thank you Jesus for bearing the punishment for ALL of my sin.

Can this news ever get too elementary for a christian?  I don't know about you but it makes my heart swell.  If you want to hear a fab version of the hymn but Shane and Shane visit this link here.  I doubt you'll be disappointed ; ). 

Loads

That is what my life consist of.  Loads of fun, loads of chores to do, loads to catch up on, loads of love, loads of joy, loads of running (like the sport), all amidst the never ceasing loads of laundry.  Lets not forget the loads of excuses I give when I blog about why I haven't blogged :).  Whoops.

So!  We went back to the opthamologist for Rowen.  We didn't really get as much new information as I was hoping for.  It was mainly just a check up for the doctor to access his visual interest, which he says is great.  He also reiterated to us that he is optimistic that it is the "good" type of nystagmus, meaning not an actual problem with the eye or brain or etc.  So that's good and we plan to go back the end of May.  In the mean time I am scouting out a doctor who we could go see for a second opinion.  Just to do our due diligence.  We also went to his 6 month well baby check up which at that point he was 7 months old and everything checked out fabulously.  He is like 95th percentile for height and a little less than 50th for weight.  He is now saying da-da on command (although he hasn't associated it to the person).  I guess that is his official first word.  He will also (sometimes) give kisses on command.  Thankfully, that type of sweetness doesn't make you gain weight and I'll take every last drop of it!

Carson has not been on the radar too much for major things going on.  Wait!  I lie.  She now has long enough hair to put little piggy tails in!  It is so fun!  She request this hair-do every day now....she loves it.  Who knew it would take until she was almost 3 years old for this?  She also had a check up with the urologist for her urinary reflux and things are all good in that department.  Besides that she is just busy being sweet and cute and getting so big.  She told me tonight that she is getting big and I asked if she would stay little and she agreed!  Yay.  She also said, "do you hear me?" to me when she asked me a question and I failed to respond in an appropriate amount of time.  It made me giggle inside because she is talking so much and sounding so big and cute!

Darby, oh Darby.  She got her tonsils and adenoids out a week and half ago.  I loaded up on the ice cream and popsicles and off we went.  It was so hard because she had to be completely sedated and that's no fun and scary for a mom and for her but we made it.  She has a tiny bit of pain associated with the surgery but mainly she is good as new!  I didn't know what to expect for her recovery.  Kids typically can bounce right back but everyone is different. I did NOT expect for her to be jumping around and singing and dancing the night of the surgery!  She did great.  As long as she had her pain medicine you would never know she had surgery.  I prayed for this type of recovery and I am so thankful that is just was God provided.

Shifty Eyes

I'm not sure I've mentioned enough how much I LOVE having a boy.  I love my girls so much and when I found out I was pregnant this last time with a boy I was a little nervous to enter into that unchartered territory, but let me tell you it has rocked my world.  I don't know, maybe, it's the combination of him being my boy and my third (maybe final) child, but sometimes I snuggle and squeeze and kiss and rock him in absolute denial that when he is 30 he probably won't want to let me do that anymore...I really think he might let me (hee-hee).  

My sweet bubs.  We had to take him in to see an opthamologist at the local medical institute because he has uncontrollable eye movement.  We found out he has congenital nystagmus (congenital meaning from birth).  It may or may not cause slight to significant complications with his vision.  As of right now we know he is really near-sighted.  They don't correct it right now but we will go back in a little over a month from now and be able to know more about what is causing it, and maybe a better idea of what the future will hold.  Am I surprised at the state of imperfection this side of heaven?  No, not at all, I expect it.  Have I cried?  Yes, indeed, I think it's the mommy in me.  I want him to be in a garden of roses but without the thorns.  Can I trust a perfect and sovereign God to give us every little thing we need to handle the circumstance no matter the severity?  Yes, I do.  He has given us EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him (2 Peter 1:3) as written in his word.  I look forward with anticipation to seeing what and how the Lord sees us through.  I look forward to sharing more about Jesus with Rowen as he may struggle with his vision or being able to drive or play sports or people asking about his eyes.  

I pray that Rowen can sing this psalm 16 in his heart as worship one day.

"The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let you holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

and I pray that though he may not be able to focus his physical eyes on much that he will focus much on Christ as his strength, security, fullness, pleasure, comfort, keeper and so much more.  To God be glory and praise always!

Here is my sweet boy at 5 months.

I am due to write about all of us I know!  I have no time it seems these days but will try soon.  It is also apparent that I NEED a blog makeover for Christmas.

What's up...

It is awesome being a mommy to my sweet little boy.  I honestly am so grateful for the family that God has blessed me with.  My cup surely does overflow!  I am not just saying that because it sounds good either.  My husband is amazing.  He is so smart and driven such a hard worker and succeeds at all he sets his mind on doing.  My kids each have their own personalities that absolutely captivate me.  We've been battling sickness in this house for the past few days.  Carson started it Sunday night when she struck a fever it only lasted about 24 hours and she was better.  Darby woke up this morning with it.  They get such high fevers it's crazy at one point with both they had a 103. something fever on the medicine and I was not due to give them any for a while!

So better late than never is was they always say, and I sure hope they are right.  Rowen is now only 9 days away from being 4 months yet I still have not documented his 2 month appointment!  So what did I learn at his visit?  Well, he had dropped from 95th percentile in weight to 25th so I had to start supplementing with formula.  Which is okay bc I want him to be well fed and I think being the third baby in the house I had so much going on and my milk just couldn't keep up.  That, and it never came in to the full amount that it did with the girls.  So then, just about a week ago I switched to bottles only because he just seemed hungry and it was so much to try and figure out what/if he was getting in breast milk.  He was at that appointment measuring in at 25th for weight, 60th for head circumference and 75th for height.  He is a very smiley, very happy baby!  I am sooo sad to see him getting bigger and bigger!  

Here is a picture of him taken right at 3 months by some photographer friends of ours.

What's on my mind?

If I could bottle up the sweetness of my baby boy there wouldn't be enough containers in the world!  I'd say this about all three of my sweet kids!  I am so blessed beyond my own comprehension!  So thankful for HIS sweet grace and tender mercies!

So that was my facebook status tonight.  I literally have tears as I consider this.  I can't even believe my boy will be 2 months tomorrow.  I'm not usually this sentimental/emotional about things but maybe it's the fact that this is my last child (unless we adopt, more on that later) or maybe it bc I feel like God's grace has given me a deeper appreciation for my young children as I see how rapidly they grow.  I don't know but I can say that life this side of heaven (wink wink) is full of busyness, obstacles, pain, sorrow and what have you and I tend to be one to experience those things more than the sweet things, the loving, joyful things that God also gives us in His great kindness and favor and love toward us.  So I am especially thankful for the state of my heart right now.  Praise Jesus, and I am thankful for facebook asking me what was on my mind tonight so I could take some time and enjoy Him!

I'm baaaaack (again)

So much has happened since I last blogged!  I mean heck, it's been since December!  My goodness, how irresponsible slack of me!  Honestly, it's a time issue.  I'm not very technological and so it takes time and effort for me to grace this blog with pictures of what I write about.  I have to (assuming they are loaded on the computer already) save them as smaller files to upload, edit them, watermark them, and make sure they are "cool" enough to fit in in blog land.  At least that's the pressure I put on myself.  On top of that I have to be creative to have something to write about and keep folks entertained, psssh that's not happening.  Especially now that times 3 now my brain has shrunk with the pregnancy of a child.  So yeah Rowen's here now (there goes more time).  But, (did I just enlarge the fact that I started a sentence with a but?) now more than ever I NEED to blog!  My children are growing up right before my eyes!   Baby boy, Rowen, Bubby (all names we like to call him), will be 2 months in 3 short days!  I don't do a good job at recording their milestones or experiences or the cute things that come out of their mouths so I must blog them.  So this is for my sweet sweet Darby (4), Carson (2), and Rowen (as we previously established almost 2 months orrr zero as Darby likes to refer to him).  They may not be the most graceful writings you've ever laid eyes on, or the coolest ideas, or have the best pictures ever (shoot, it may not have pictures at all), but I'll be glad to have a record for my babes.  I hope that pictures will frequent this blog but you can consider the ideas or recipes a bonus when I have time for such!  No pictures for today BUT I will leave you with probably the sweetest video of a baby ever in history (of course I am biased tho).

Make sure you turn the volume up and for some reason it automatically starts instead of you pressing play so you can stop it and restart it....no time to figure it out and as I said...not too technological here.

Christmas Gifts and Ideas/Recipes

So yesterday was Darby's last day of preschool and now we have a break for the holiday.  I put together some things to give her teachers and I am also sharing some with my neighbors.

For your taste buds:

White Chocolate Peppermint Popcorn!  Click here for recipe.   There is another version at Our Best Bites but I did the white chocolate kind.

To kill germs: (not caused by the popcorn)

Last year I made these.  This year I made them simular but went with the monogram version here instead.  Love them.